Terra Earth Christmas Carol

I did this, but it never got edited... enjoy it anyway.


A Terra Earth Carol

Grossly plagiarized by: Jason Tandro
Note: Some of the originally promised roles have changed.

Boxxle Harley was dead, to begin with. A miser and robber baron of Terra Earths biggest imports and exports, now but smoldering ashes in the ground. Enter eFlare, the miserable tyrant and partner of Bacon Harley, EvenEasier Scrooge. He walked down the hallway, leaving the wake an hour early to return to his office. He was stopped by Dpit and Blade, who were holding a sign that read:

Descendents of Viagra Fiana Charity
Please give as much as you can, yuppies!

“Ah, EvenEasier Scrooge, one of the most eccentric in the money-lending and bookkeeping business! May I borrow some of your time, or at least some change.”
Scrooge growled. “What may I ask are you?”
“We are collected for the poor and needy on this Christmas Eve. And as a well-respected member of society, I am sure you can afford but a pence or two. Now what should I put you down for?” Dpit asked.
“Nothing.” Replied Scrooge tersely.
“You wish to remain anonymous?” Blade asked.
“I wish to be left alone!” Shouted Scrooge, walking down the hall.
“But sir!” Said Dpit chasing after him. “It is for the less fortunate. Have some compassion!”
“Oh?” Began Scrooge. “Are there no prisons? Are there no poorhouses? Isn’t XenaJen still running a brothel?”
“Well, yes,” replied Dpit uneasily.
“Oh, good then. For a moment I was worried,” chuckled Scrooge.
“But sir, some would rather die than go to prison.” Dpit retorted.
“Well if they’re going to die they better do it, and decrease the surplus population!” Shouted Scrooge walking out into the snow. He made his way across Freejia to his place of work, the Scrooge Lenders of Illegitimate Money, Eccentricities and Yummies (or SLIMEY for short).

Inside there was a great deal of fuss. The sound of scratching pens was almost deafening, and that meant good business for Scrooge. But there was an aberration. His nosey nephew KaleFlame.
“Merry Christmas Uncle EvenEasier,” KaleFlame smiled.
“Christmas? Bah, Humbug.” Scrooge replied, not even turning to look at his nephew.
“Humbug? Oh EvenEasier you don’t mean that. I was actually wondering if you’d like to come to our Christmas party tomorrow. My wife and I are expecting you.”
“Oh yes. I recall the poor lass. Why did you marry her?”
“Because I was in love, Uncle.”
“Love. Hahaha. That’s the only thing more of a humbug than Christmas,” Scrooge laughed.
“Oh, you don’t mean that eFlare,” KaleFlame smiled.
“Stop calling me by that name!” Scrooge shouted. “Get out of here!”
And with that, KaleFlame went out into the night of the cold Christmas Eve.
This seemed to be the best time for an ill-learned Axe Hatchet to make his only request of the year.
“Ah, Mr. Hatchet. Good to see you working hard,” Scrooge said.
“It’s near closing time, Sir.” Axe replied, in a soft, timid voice.
“Very well then. You may head on home. See you tomorrow at 8:00 AM.” Scrooge replied, still concentrating on his work.
“Um,” began Axe. “Mr. Scrooge? Tomorrow’s Christmas.”
“8:30 then. And don’t be expecting a bloody party, it’s BYOB as always.” Scrooge replied.
“Uh, sir, I don’t believe half and hour is customary time off for Christmas Day.”
“Well then how much time is customary?” Snapped Scrooge.
“The,um… whole day Sir.”
Scrooge looked completely befuddled. “The entire day?”
“All other business’ will be closed. You won’t have anyone to be doing work with.” Axe reasoned.
“That is a poor excuse to pick a man’s pocket every December the 25th. But as I am the only one here who seems to understand that…. take the day off.” Scrooge relented.
“Thank you very much, Sir!” Axe exclaimed as he went out the door.

That evening, Scrooge made his way home. Now you must remember that Boxxle Marley is dead, or else everything that follows will not seem wondrous to you.
Scrooge walked up the cold stairs. He did not spare light a lamp. Darkness was cheap, and Scrooge liked it that way. He sat down in his chair by the fire. And without any cause that can be reckoned, a small brass bell above his fireplace made a soft CLINK.
“Who’s there?” Asked Scrooge.

CLINK. CLINK. CLANG!!!

The sound of the bell softened as Scrooge heard footsteps coming up the stairwell. Chains dragged behind them, rattling and wailing, and if only for a moment, Scrooge felt sure that the audience knew something that he didn’t.

“Who’s there?” Shouted Scrooge.
The only reply was a soft, but firm. “Scrooge.”
Scrooge turned around to see his old partner, Boxxle Marley standing before him bound in chains. Bet you didn’t see that coming did you?

“Joan Hatchet! What are you doing here!” Scrooge shouted. “Oh, no.. sorry force of habit whenever I see chains.”
“Perfectly alright,” Boxxle replied. “Now SCROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!”
“Yes, I’m here, we’re in the same room, you can speak a little softer.” Scrooge replied.
“I am here to warn you. The fate that has befallen me will befall you! I am damned for eternity for my black hearts devices!”
“But you were always fair, hardworking, attentive to your business-“
“BUSINESS! MAN-KIND WAS MY BUSINESS! HIS WELFARE WAS MY BUSINESS!” Boxxle thundered.
“No, you were a Banker, that’s the exact opposite of your business!” Scrooge retorted.
“Hey, I had a life outside this job you know. I worked my entire life to cancel HMO’s for the middle class all because I felt that it was a stroke of communism in this otherwise fine society.” Boxxle replied. “But that is hardly the point. I will digress no further. I will be completely upfront. I’ll get to the bottom line. I’ll sum it up for you.”
“SO DO IT ALREADY!” Scrooge shouted, a little vein in his forehead popping up.
“We’re in the same room, no need to shout,” mocked Boxxle. “Tonight you will be visited by three ghosts. The ghosts of Terra Earth Past, Present and Future.”
“Ghosts? I think I’ve quite had it with ghosts for tonight. And what does TerraEarth have to do with Christmas?” Scrooge asked.
Boxxle picked up one of his ghost chains and began hitting Scrooge with it. “STOP…POINTING…OUT...PLOT HOLES!”
Boxxle sat down. “As I was saying only by these visits can you hope to rekindle you love of Christmas and TerraEarth and is the only way you will ever have a chance of not ending up like me!”
Boxxle made his way down the stairs.
“Wait! Don’t leave me!” Scrooge shouted.
“Expect the first ghost, when the bell tolls one!” Boxxle shouted as he vanished from sight.

RING!
The first bell of the night. It was one in the morning and Scrooge was still fast asleep in his bed. Suddenly an illuminating figure entered into the story by way of plot hole.

“Wake up Scrooge,” Rainichan said.
Scrooge got up with a start. “Are you the ghost who’s forthcoming was told to me?”
“I am. But we don’t have time for introductions. We’ve only got one night and I’m on a tight schedule. Come on, let’s go,” Rainichan said, opening a window.
“But… I can’t.” Scrooge said. “I am mortal, and liable to fall.”
“This is the net, you dummy and I’m a ghost. Now if that isn’t enough to make you stop pointing out your plot holes I’m going to let you burn in hell!” Rainichan shouted. “Take my hand and I’ll do the rest of the work.”

As if awakening from a dream, Scrooge and Rainichan were back in eFlare’s younger days on TerraEarth…

[I]

eFlare jumped into the center of the tower. “This is it! You have to fight together! You can win!”

With that Jason Tandro jumped into the air and performed a devastating flurry of lance attacks. Axe Kazama smashed through Flamez with his axe. Joan_Michelle used her Ashura to cut through the tail of Flamez. Dpit fired RedRiotz auxillary rounds on the wings. TK and TH smacked into it with clubs. FE used Flare on it. SBF used his most powerful attack The Super Fast Manly Bitch Slap. And finally eFlare, Boxxmann and KaleFlame smashed the character information for Flamez.

With that Rainichan began to glow brightly. “DATA DRAIN!”

But Flamez wasn’t going to go down that easy. It cast it’s own Data Drain, just like Lenc.

“I can’t hold on!” Raini shouted. “I’m too weak!

“Raini!” Axe shouted.

“Rainichan!” Joan cried.

They both jumped behind her. They held her, but there was nothing else they could do. Flamez’s Data Drain beam was slowly advancing.

“What now?” KaleFlame asked Boxxmann.

“If they can hack, so can we damnit!” Boxxmann shouted. “eFlare. Use the condenser program. Target= Rainichan!”

With a few key clicks, the program began. All the persons there had their posts drained from them and go into Rainichan, thus increasing her level. The Data Drain beams stopped.

“We’ve used everything, but it’s still a stalemate!” eFlare cried.

“What now?!” Boxxmann yelled.

“Wait a minute! The old posts! The flames! We can use those too! Give Ark4Elle a taste of her own medicine!” KaleFlame replied.

Another set of keys. The program began putting Ark4Elle’s own posts into her.

“Hey Ark! Don’t mind if we use these do ya!” KaleFlame called mockingly.

Rainichan’s beam grew stronger and began to overpower Flamez’s beam. “Don’t worry! We’re gonna give ‘em right back!” KaleFlame shouted.

With that Rainichan’s beam blasted through Flamez who’s shell was completely destroyed, along with it, was all of the history of TerraEarth. Ark4Elle’s character began to dissapear.

“It doesn’t matter. You are all at level 1 now. One way or another, my vengeance is complete,” Ark4Elle grinned.

“So is ours,” eFlare said, walking up to the battered character data. “Your posts included your MSN, YIM, and AIM accounts too. They have also been deleted.”

“DAMN YOU!” Ark4Elle shouted as his character data fell to pieces.
[/I]

“Do you remember?” Rainichan asked.
“Yes. I helped save TerraEarth from destruction. But you can’t possible expect me to worry about things like that. Don’t you remember what happened to me afterwords?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.” Rainichan replied.
And in a blip as fast as Jason Tandro typing in some cheap text, they were at another location. Copy/Paste.

[I]

“This is interesting,” eFlare commented.
“What is?” Boxxle asked, looking up.
“It seems as though he died of some sort of bacteria,” eFlare commented.
“Really...?” Boxxle asked.
eFlare looked up. “Have you figured something out?”
“Joan said that Blade frequented her bar. Muerte knew that I would also be at the bar and therefore, logically speaking, that must have been the real crime scene. All Muerte would have to do would be to slip poison in the food.”
“So he did kill Blade!” eFlare replied.
“No, he couldn’t have. Because we have a small problem.” Boxxle said.
“And that is?”
“All the servers were female. There would be no way for an obtrusive man like Muerte to sneak into the kitchen. He must’ve had a woman do it for him.”
“But who could that be?” eFlare asked.
“You can’t think of anyone?” Boxxle asked. “Joan mentioned that he always pawned off some pieces of their personal property for gambling money. When he entered the arena, his wife must have made the meeting between him and Muerte, where the cash would be exchanged. And then to stop the money from being lost for good, she struck a deal with Muerte to get the money back.”
“You mean she killed her husband for money?” eFlare asked.
“Yes. But there is still the question as to why Muerte would want Blade killed,” Boxxle commented.
“I can tell you,” said Fixy, walking in with a gun in her hand. “Because we were lovers. And that oaf of a husband was doing nothing but getting in the way.”
Boxxle grinned, placing his hands in the air. “I would have guessed sooner if I had only stopped to remember that you wrote an article in the newspaper.”
“But you didn’t. And now I can not only get rid of my boorish husband, but Terra Earth’s most famous detective,” Fixy grinned.
“Not likely!” shouted a familiar voice from the doorway. In burst Deathpit who fired a bullet from his gun, hitting Fixy’s hands. “Hope you didn’t just get your nails done!”
eFlare made a cross over his chest. “I’ll never say the Punch-Up is fake again.”
Boxxle picked up the gun. “It doesn’t seem like your lover Muerte has the time to deal with you anymore. Other wise he’d be coming to your rescue right about now.”
He handcuffed Fixy, and sat her down against a desk.
“Although it is a disappointment that he didn’t see fit to show up,” Boxxle thought.
“There’ll be other cases Boxxle. Don’t worry,” eFlare said.

[/I]

“And remember what happened to me and Fixy?” Scrooge asked.
“You were married. I didn’t see that one coming. As a matter of fact, nobody did. Look!” Rainichan pointed to the figures of Fixy and Scrooge walking down the road.

“Oh, eFlare. It’s so wonderful that you decided to marry me. But why would you, an Administrator and famous detective’s assistant give it all up for me?” Fixy asked.
And as the next words were spoken by the phantom, Scrooge whispered along as well. “I love you.”
“Do you see now? You gave up everything for her. Doesn’t that mean anything? Does her sacrifice mean nothing to you?” Rainichan asked.
“No, please don’t show me that.” Scrooge begged.
A bright light surrounded them…

[I]
“So there you are! You left me with 100,000,000 yen debt, and a screaming kid, and a perverted mob boss just because Joan came on to you!” Raini shouted, smacking Freedan.
”But I was…”
“Joan comes onto everybody!” Raini smacked Freedan again.
“Hey!” Joan shouted.
The group stared at her.
“Oh, alright fine…” Joan muttered.
“Well you see,” Freedan was cut off by another smack.
“And to top it all off I see you went to Tokyo,” Raini pointed at his suitcase. “Without me!” Smack. Smack. Smack.
“ MAY I AT LEAST EXPLAIN MYSELF! YOU SEE I WAS LOCKED AWAY BY THIS MOB BOSS!” Freedan shouted.
“Oh. That’s very different. Nevermind,” replied Raini. She ran up to hug him.
“Wait a minute!” Jason shouted. “Before you smother him a passionate montage of lovey-dovey stuff I have something to say!”
[/I]
“Why did you show me that?” Scrooge asked.
“Whoops, sorry. Let’s go back a bit.” Rainichan replied.
Another bright light, and they were standing in a field. Scrooge stood next to Fixy, but this time, it was winter.

“She left me,” Scrooge said.
“Why did she leave you?” Rainichan asked.
“She said I was too focused with money. She could never live with me,” Scrooge said.
The phantom Fixy smacked Scrooge.
“She also found my porno collection.” Scrooge replied.
[Authors Note: Jason Tandro does not use or support the use of pornography in any way.]
They returned to Scrooge’s house.

“Scrooge. I must leave now. But please remember. There is much for you still left on TerraEarth. If you spend the rest of your days as you are now, then there is no point left in living,” Rainichan said. And with that, she left.


Later that night…

“COME OUT, AND KNOW ME BETTER, MAN!” Came a bellowing voice.
Scrooge woke, again startled by the sudden and unwelcome intrusion into his home.
A gigantic knight stood outside his bedroom. He was at least eight feet tall and wore shining armor.

“I take it you are the ghost of TerraEarth Present?” Scrooge asked.
“Indeed. And a Dark Knight to boot.” Chuckled the tall spirit. “I am Freedan.”
“So what do you have to show me?” Scrooge asked. “Let’s roll.”
“Very well, if you insist.” Freedan said. And with that, Scrooge grew suddenly spherical and bounced down the stairwell into the street.
[Authors Note: Pay no attention to this idiot behind a pseudonym.]

They arrived at the home of Axe Hatchet, who was sitting down to Christmas dinner with his wife, Joan Hatchet, and his child, Tiny SBF. They were cooking a small goose, and had a table set for meager portions.

“Christmas Eve Dinner,” Joan sighed. “How sad and boring.”
“I love it though. I remember that it was Christmas last year that you decided to stop seeing XenaJen and marry me in a token fashion so that this story could be written.”
“Damn it,” Scrooge sighed.
“Haha! You can’t point out a plot hole here!” Freedan grinned.
“Well, I gave up a lot of stuff. Like kissing, and doing it, and bondage, and everything worth doing to anybody anywhere.” Joan groaned.
Axe took a taste of the goose. “And cooking, I note with some dismay.”
Joan punched him in the stomach. “Shut up. I’m going to log off for a while to check out some porn sites before I kill myself over your obviously sexually deficient charisma.”
“And I’m going to send a thank you PM to Mr. Scrooge.” Axe said.
“What?!” Joan asked. “That bum treats you like a bum, which you are. However your low status reflects on me, and therefore I hate his guts.”
“But he is a kind employer. He let me take tomorrow off,” Axe smiled as he sent the token PM.
Scrooge smiled. “There is a dedicated worker.”
“Your so nice, Papa.” Tiny SBF grunted.
“What happened to your voice son?” Axe asked.
“Shut up alright. I’m friggin’ older than you and I gotta play Tiny Tim. So either shut up or I’ll say some rather uninspiring words on this holiest of nights!” SBF shouted. “I’m going with mommy.”
“Uh, we shouldn’t be here,” Freedan said.
They made their way down the street, to an abandoned road.
“Scrooge, your actions affect everybody. Why, take a look at those less fortunate than the Hatchet family.” Freedan said.
A group of people were huddled around a fire. One had found a small animal, probably a rat, and was beginning to cook it.
“Who are these poor miserable people?” Asked Scrooge.
“The people whom you evicted. They have nowhere else to go. They just collect together. Even those who have done no wrong to you.” Freedan said pointing at the children.
“But business is business,” Scrooge tried to defend himself. “I could not possibly have done this. I didn’t want them to die.”
“Die? Ha! Well if they’re going to die then they better do it. And decrease the surplus population!” Freedan grinned.
“But…”Scrooge again protested.
“Are there no prisons? Are there no poorhouses?” Freedan asked.
And as the haunting image of Scrooge’s own words echoed in his head, the road fell away and became nothingness. And Scrooge was left in a vast blackness, as the bell tolled three o’clock.
A large specter walked up to Scrooge. He wore a black cape, and had no face. He carried a scythe high above his head.
“I only know of one man who carries a scythe. Flamez?” Scrooge asked.
The figure nodded. And Scrooge heard a whispering voice in his head.
[I] This is what happens to the damned and dead of TerraEarth. Come and see your life as one of us… [/I].

The blackness was replaced by a cemetery. A group of people were gathered outside. “Good riddance I say. Best that old bastard be dead.” Said one man.
“Aye. And he’ll never hold much esteem again.” Said another. “A poor and broken down useless old crock!”
Other torments came as well, but this story is wearing a bit thin, so I’ll cut to the chase.
“Spirit? Who is that man that they are talking about?”
Flamez pointed to a grave in the far right. Scrooge walked up to it and wiped off the snow from the cover. A grim cold plaque read:

EVENEASIER SCROOGE

“No!” Scrooge shouted. “No, it can’t be! Spirit, please forgive me! I’ve learned my lesson! Please take me back! Take me back!”

Birds hummed in the distance, and bright sun rays bursted through Scrooge’s window. Scrooge shouted into his pillow. “Take me back.” Until he finally woke up. It wasn’t easy, he had just seen his entire life in one night and that leaves a hell of a hangover.

Scrooge rushed to a window. He saw Aoiga passing by. “You there! What day is it?”

“Today?” Aoiga asked. “Why it’s Christmas Day of course!”

“Christmas Day? The spirits have done it all in one night. Well of course they can… um anyway. Listen. Is there still a turkey for sale down on the market that I never passed and therefore could never have possibly-“
Scrooge felt a large chain hit him in the back of the head.
“Just buy the damn turkey.” Scrooge rubbed his head and tossed Aoiga a pack of 500 gil.

Aoiga bought the turkey and followed Scrooge to Axe Hatchet’s house. Scrooge knocked on the door, while Aoiga hid. Axe opened the door.
“Oh, Mr. Scrooge. To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”
“You did not come into work today.”
“But you said I could take the day off,” Axe begged.
“I said nothing! I am tired of you acting all rubber-legged Hatchet. You give me no choice but to RAISE YOUR SALARY!” Scrooge shouted.
“But sir! I…. raise my salary?” Axe Hatchet asked.
“Yes. And here,” Scrooge beckoned for Aoiga to come forward.
The turkey was set down on the small wooden table and invited the entire town, which somehow miraculously fit into the small house. So Scrooge did learn the true meaning of whatever this fanfiction was about. There was peace in TerraEarth for all of it’s days. And as SBF observed “When do I get paid for this shit!”

BTW: After this fanfic, everyone went back to their normal roles. Thanx for calling ya’ll out.

Terra Earth Haunted House

RP Punch-Up: Haunted House Edition

Introduction:

This idea came to me when I was formulating my outline for RP Punch-Up Battle Royale. When I tried to piece together the story of six people on a deserted island jungle, only having my death absolute and a whole bunch of plot ties to come together on this one setting, I did the only logical thing. I gave up.

But then I tried again, but I chose to change the setting in something more reasonable and—I think—more fun. A haunted house. The mansion of eFlare (not the Tower of Babel, for those of you who have been following the story from the get-go).

The mansion is on an island, which keeps the whole “stranded” feeling together, and the first six persons that joined the Royale namely Joan, Raini, Aoiga, Axe, Blaze and myself are going to a house filled with ghosts, a dark past, and a secret that threatens to kill them all before they kill each other. Think SAW meets The Grudge (Ju-On) meets Clue.

The house has a ground floor, with a library, a den, a study, an exquisite ballroom, a foyer, a dining room and kitchen, a solarium and access to a hedgemaze. There is also a restroom here. The second floor has seven rooms, one for each of us and a master bedroom for our host, eFlare. It also has two restrooms and a doorway to a tower.
The tower is essentially just a belltower. The basement is a shed, but there is probably more down there somewhere…

Good luck. BTW, here is the basic info:

Aoiga Katana A warrior who has 20/12 vision and warriors sixth sense
Blaze Shotgun A fast (5:10 mile time) linguistics scholar
Axe PickAxe A master mathematician
Jason Lance A gifted historian.
Raini KCy Pills A brilliant biochemist
Joan Crossbow A beautiful but deadly assassin

Enjoy.












Terra Earth Thriller: eFlare’s Haunted Mansion

It was a calm day in the port town of South Cape. A gentle breeze flowed through the village, the sound of fisherman down near the port shouting praise over their latest catch, and the red sun lingering just overhead. It was comfortably warm, which this late in the season meant a thunderstorm would be coming.

Rainichan slept peacefully in her bed, dreaming of her many adventures in the past, all of which would come to center around this next one. She was awoken by Freedan, who shook her arm. She smiled up at him, but was still too tired to move.
“Good morning,” she yawned.
“A good morning to you too,” Freedan said, pulling an envelope out of his satchel. “It seems eFlare sent you a PM.”
“Did you read it?” Raini asked, hoping to get a quickie version from him.
“No, it’s your message,” Freedan said. “And it’s too thin to be from a secret boyfriend, so I’m not worried.”
Raini chuckled. Ever since she became a Moderator, Freedan would tease her claiming that she could now have any guy she wanted, even KaleFlame (who was also a Moderator, see “TE: Adventures”)
Raini opened the letter:

“TO: Rainichan
CC: Aoiga, Jason, Axe, Joan, Blaze
FROM: eFlare
SUBJECT: A Special Offer

Dear Patrons,

I request your presence at my estate on the Isle de Mar de Incendio, north of Mu. Transport will be provided, please meet at the Moon Tribe Camp for pick-up at 1600 today. Failure to comply with this request will result in termination of account. “

“Holy hate!” Raini said as she read the letter. “I have to leave for the Moon Tribe Camp by 4:00 PM today or I’ll get kicked off!”
“Is it a CC?” Freedan asked, checking the Envelope.
“Yeah, for Aoiga, Jason, Axe, Joan and Blaze.”
“That’s a bit rough around the edges for eFlare. Do you think something’s up?”
“Something has to be up. I just wonder why he didn’t want you…”

1500 hours
“…termination of account.” Jason read. “Damn that’s cold. Well I’m not too far from there. Just head east from the Incan Ruins.”
Jason was, by no accounts, the all around nice guy he had once been labeled as. Ever since the situation with Ark (TE: Adventures) and the bad press he had received (TE: Mysteries) he had become somewhat of a loner. He would always explore dungeons and ruins, even those he’d already been too, and he rarely went to South Cape anymore.
“Isle de Mar de Incendio… what could eFlare want with us?”

1520

“Blaze, you gotta be kiddin’ me,” Coz said.
Coz had been convinced from the very beginning that this whole thing was a scam or set-up, maybe even a lighthearted prank. But it was definitely not something that he wanted to test.
“It has the official Administrator Seal. it has to be from eFlare. No doubt in my mind,” Blaze replied (although he did have some doubts, in fact, given the recent turmoil on TerraEarth).
“Well, I guess I’ll go with you. TH is still trying to find a magical level up spot in the world map, and I keep telling him that it’s nonsense…” Coz replied.
“I thought that was your idea,” Blaze recalled. (See TE:Adventures).


1530

There was an unusual tone to the PM for sure, but Axe felt that it must be eFlare’s way of trying to convey that something wrong was going down. After all Terra Earth had been through a lot, ever since Ark4Elle’s Virus threatened to destroy it.
However, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to get to the Moon Tribe Camp in 30 minutes since he was presently in Freejia. His prayers were answered when he heard a whine overhead. It was the Red Riotz.
“DPit!” Axe shouted. “Look down!”
There was a mechanical sputter as the front propeller wound down, and the Red Riotz arced in the sky coming in for a landing. The plane’s landing gear skidded down on the soft grass plains outside of Freejia.
“You came to pick me up?” Axe asked.
“I am the transportation service for eFlare’s little tour, and since I figured you wouldn’t be making it to the Moon Tribe Camp, I decided to pick you up here,” DPit replied.
“Yo,” came a voice in the back of the plane. It was Aoiga.
“Aoiga, you too?” Axe asked.
“Yeah, I was over at Angkor Wat and DPit somehow knew where I was,” Aoiga grinned. It was a wry smile at best. “I find it odd that the Descendents of Fiana aren’t invited to this…event. Or Freedan for that matter.”
Dpit said nothing.






1600

Rainichan sat down in the stony meadow, waiting for the plane to arrive that would carry her to the Isle de Mar de Incendio. A hand tapped her shoulder. It was Joan.

“Oh, so glad to see that I wasn’t the only one who was stupid enough to fall for this prank,” Joan grinned.
“You think so?” Raini asked.
“It’s 1600 and I don’t see any stupid plane,” Joan replied.
Two men walked up from the stony pass. It was Jason and Blaze.
“Oh, look who it isn’t. The lovely wife of Freedan and the gossip columnist,” Jason smirked.
“I happen to be a biochemist,” Rainichan replied. “And Joan has taken up a new line of work.”
“That is?” Blaze asked.
“Professional assassin,” grinned Joan.
Jason and Blaze step back a couple of steps.
“Relax, I haven’t brought any of my toys with me,” Joan sighed. “That would have made things more interesting. Isn’t that right, you sociopathic freak.”
Jason turned a shade of red usually reserved for the color of clothing you give to in-laws you hate. The argument ended by the arrival of a large plane soaring overhead. It was Red Riotz.
“Oh look, the dick plane is here…” Joan cursed.
“Bad memories,” Raini thought.
The plane landed with a smooth skid, and a boastful DPit made his triumphant debut.
“Alright, that’s everyone here on board DPit Airlines flight 666 to the Isle de Mar de Incendio. Your plane is a lovely fully customizable Red Riotz the same plane that helped kick Ark4Elle’s ass which now comes standard with seatbelts, so you don’t need to worry about your ass flying out when we hit an air pocket.”
“I see your desire to create large metal objects hasn’t faded. Where’s Blade?” Jason asked.
“He’s stuck in a board meeting over at Euro. Something about a Kruk deal,” Dpit thought, shaking his head.

“WOW! 2 Kruks for the price of 1! How can I lose?” Blade shouted triumphantly handing over his life savings.

“In any case,” Dpit continued. “You all need to get on the plane or else we will be late.”
“Hey DPit,” Joan began. “Why are we going to the Isle de Mar de Incendio instead of the Tower of Babel?”
“Yeah, that does seem a little odd. If it were something important wouldn’t he have explained it there?” Blaze asked.
“eFlare is a busy man. He will explain everything once we arrive,” Dpit said, hopping into the pilot’s seat. “I’m a busy man too, so please get on the plane already.”
1800

“Wow that was a long plane ride,” Raini sighed.
“It must seem really long when you and Freedan aren’t doing the tongue mambo in the back seat,” Joan sighed.
“There’s an image,” said Jason, who poured out his soda.
“What does it matter to you who I go out with?” Raini asked.
“I almost had him as mine, but then you had to go and screw things up!” Joan asked.
“Actually if you recall, he left you at the party,” Raini continued.
“Ladies, if you want we can recount the ENTIRE course of events so far or we can shut up and see why eFlare called us, okay?” Aoiga sighed.
The two girls said nothing, but eyed each other with great contempt.

They walked up the large marble mansion. It had two floors, with great ivory columns decorating the front stoop. There was a hedge maze on the left side of the house and a bell tower in the center of it all. The doors were plated in silver with solid gold doorknobs.
“Late 5th century Roman structure,” Aoiga commented.
“Couldn’t be very late. The Roman Empire ended in A.D. 476. But I don’t blame you. You aren’t a historian like me, nor an architect. I believe you are merely a warrior,” Jason said.
“A warrior who is more likely to survive any close encounter than you,” Aoiga retorted.
“Where were you in the fight against A4E?” Jason scowled.
“Gentleman, that will do,” Axe shouted.
“Come to think of it, this is a rather diverse group isn’t it?” Rainichan thought. “We have Jason who is a historian, Aoiga who is a warrior, Joan who is an assassin, Axe who is a mathematician, Blaze who is a linguistics scholar and myself a biochemist. Why would eFlare need all of us like this?”
“Maybe we’ll find out if we go inside, ever,” Dpit replied who was clearly losing his patience.

The doors opened onto a lovely foyer. Rainichan gasped at the sheer beauty of the room. Portraits hung on the walls, which were also adorned with ancient weapons and other historical items. Resting above the door the Dining Room immediately in front of them was an original Da Vinci’s “The Last Supper”. In the doorway stood eFlare wearing a tuxedo and cape.
“Welcome to my beautiful home. I am glad you all could make it,” eFlare smiled. “We have a matter to discuss first and then I will give you the tour. If you will step into the study to your left.”
The group walked through the study doors. In it was fine oaken furniture, including a writing desk and table. There were several chairs and a loveseat, and as usual, more historical artifacts adorned the walls.
eFlare sat down in a chair in the center of the room. He called to Dpit, who was waiting in the Foyer. “Excuse me, Dpit. There is a bottle of wine and some glasses on a tray in the dining hall, could you bring them in?”
“Yes Sir,” came the enthusiastic reply.
“If it’s like anything else in this house, I wouldn’t be surprised if you drank out of the Holy Grail itself,” Jason commented.
eFlare laughed. “No I like my artifacts old, but my food fresh. The wine however is a different story. It was laid down in 1789.”
“You mean, the year that the United States ratified the constitution?” Jason asked. “That’s gonna be some damn good tasting wine!”
“Too bad you don’t drink,” Aoiga smiled.
Jason turned scarlet. “You can’t get a buzz on the net.”
“Try it sometime. I’ve made an ass of myself before,” Joan smiled.
“’Speaking of :censored: I’ll come with you Dpit,’”Jason grinned.
“Were you talking to me?” Asked Dpit who walked in holding the tray and wine.
“No…” Jason replied turning an entirely different shade of crimson.

“Now, drink up,” said eFlare pouring the wine into each glass. “I would like to start off by proposing a toast to TerraEarth.”
“To TerraEarth!” came the cry from the party as they each took a sip from their glasses.
eFlare set his glass down. “Now down to business. The reason you all are here is confidential and is not to leave the island. Is that clear? PM service as well as access to the boards will be closed off while you are here. To further security, the doors will be locked at midnight. There will be no exit, no messages sent. No way to call for help, should that thought turn you on in anyway.”
All eyes immediately repelled each other, in their desperate attempts to block out the weird mental images.
“In any case, no more stalling. We have reason to believe that there is foul play again on TerraEarth, and frankly we’re worried. One of the people in this room, excluding DPit who will leave and lock the doors at midnight, is a traitor.”
There was a gasp. One of them, a traitor?
“Allow me to explain. Information has been leaking out around the net, and frankly we are concerned that another virus may be forged based on this information, thus destroying TerraEarth once again, and this time it may be irrevocable. We have gathered the persons who are most likely to be acting as sleeper agents. Freedan, DPit and Blade are obviously not the culprit as their background was checked before they became the Dark Knight and the Descendents of Viagra, errr Fiana respectively. And the newbies on the sight could not be it as we now require email confirmation and the mailer and IP address would tell me everything I needed to know right then. But then there are you six. Five of you faithful veterans, one of you a dirty scoundrel.
“So what we are going to do is solve this little puzzle by the end of the night. And we have all the tools to do it with. Jason, as we all have figured out, is a prominent historian, but that’s not his only hobby. We know he likes writing poorly concocted mysteries, but he is now in one. Joan is an assassin, but she also once wrote for the gossip tabloid as well as running a bar in South Cape. Rainichan is a biochemist and by far the most famous TerraEarth resident, but she has had a fair share of her scandalous arrangements in the past.
“We have Aoiga who is relatively new and is a gifted warrior, but who joined after A4E’s defeat which puts him in a sticky place in terms of an alibi. We have Axe Kazama who has a head for numbers and can probably lay out the ground plans for this building accurate to 2/10ths of a millimeter without a ruler, but who has a bad competitive streak and has been on the far side of some legal issues. The IRS still don’t know who you are, do they?”
Axe spit up his drink.
“And Blaze who is a linguistics scholar and has a mile time of 5:10, but has some questionable interests and I shall just leave it at that.”
“How much longer do you plan on berating us?” Blaze asked.
“All night. You are going to stay here until 6 in the morning and in that time we are going to figure out what is what. But we have some party favors to make things a little more interesting,” eFlare said opening up a large chest next to his seat.
“For Rainichan, our biochemist, some Pottassium Cyanide capsules.
For Jason, our historian, a very nice, but very old Lance.
For Blaze, our linguistics scholar, let this nice Winchester Shotgun do the talking.
For Joan, our resident assassin, her favorite weapon, a crossbow.
For Axe, our mathematician, a pickaxe. I just thought the name was funny.
And for Aoiga, I have had your master’s katana delivered special,” eFlare said, handing out the gifts.
“Are you going to ask us to prove our worth by fighting to the death?” Raini asked.
“No, dear Raini, these are merely for protection. Now let’s have the tour shall we?” eFlare said.

eFlare showed them the room behind the study, which was an elegant library filled with well over 10,000 books, to the right of that was the dining hall with an adjacent kitchen, both which took up 2/3rds of the ground floor.
On the second floor, there were rooms laid out for each of them. A bar divided the boys side from the girls side in the middle of the hallway, except Aoiga had to use a bedroom down the hall from both of them with a door facing the opposite direction:

GIRLS ROOMS | AOIGA

-------------------------------------

BOYS ROOMS |

“Wait, what’s in the basement?” Joan asked.
“Washer and dryer, and a gym. Nothing else,” eFlare said. “Feel free to use the gym if you want, it’s very well equipped. Oh and the Bell Tower on the third floor is out of use I’m afraid. The structural support of there has been a little iffy lately.”


“Of course, from a Roman design of a house, it’s a wonder this whole place hasn’t been reduced to ashes,” Axe commented. “There wasn’t proper weight distribution between balance beams, and eventually they practically implode under their own weight, crushing the individuals inside.”
“True, but we’ve fixed the Roman problems. It’s just Roman at heart now,” eFlare grinned.
“Can we go out to the hedge maze?” Raini asked.
“I wouldn’t if I were you. It’s awfully late and starting to get dark. You could get lost in it,” eFlare said.
“Oh,” Raini pouted.
“Well, get washed up for dinner (each of your bedrooms have a private restroom) and we shall have a hearty meal,” eFlare smiled as he walked downstairs.


2100

The dining hall was laid out with a feast. Stuffed Turkey and Chicken, fresh
Caesar salad and three loaves of French bread was the appetizer. After having a hearty meal, which assured that the entire party would not touch a piece of food for three days, eFlare started to talk again.
“Well it has come down to it. Now begins the inquisition. You are all free to do whatever you feel like for the rest of the night. If the traitor is not caught all your accounts will be terminated. If you find something out, report it immediately.”
With that eFlare left the table and went to sit in the Study.

2200

Axe walked to the stairwell, slowly pondering the course of events Jason walked down the stairs, passing by Axe.

“This house is amazing!” Jason smiled. “You know our bedrooms have computers, but no net access. Isn’t that weird?”

“Maybe he just shut it down for tonight,” Axe thought. “Hey I’ve been thinking. You know who somebody here is a traitor right. Well who do you think it could be?”

“I don’t know. But I damn sight won’t lose my account because of him,” Jason stirred for a moment. “Or her for that matter.”

“What is it?” Axe asked.

“Where are Joan and Raini?” Jason asked.

“In the Study with DPit and eFlare,” Axe replied. “That brings a curious…”

Jason walked off mumbling to himself.

Blaze was busy in the Library, reading a book about Neo-Germanic language evolution. He thought that since he was here, he might as well make the most of things. It wouldn’t be too long before they all had to part ways the next morning.

Suddenly he heard something behind him, and he lifted his shotgun. What he saw was not human, it hovered several inches above the ground and had no face, but was swept about in black robes.

“Flamez….” Blaze thought, before consciousness left him.


“Blaze! Wake up!” Aoiga cried.

Blaze’s head was splitting. How long had he been out?

“You must have dozed off and hit your head. Ahhh,” Aoiga squeamed as he saw a large red lump on the back of Blaze’s head. “We better have Raini fix you up.”

Aoiga carried Blaze into the study, but Raini was nowhere to be found.

“eFlare, where’s Raini?” Aoiga asked.

“My God!” eFlare shouted bolting upright. Dpit and Joan followed him.

“We need Raini’s medical skills, where is she?” Aoiga said.

“She said she was going to the kitchen, to get a drink!” Joan replied.

“No way, I was in the kitchen. I didn’t see her,” Aoiga said.

“FLAMEZ!” Blaze shouted. The room quieted down. All eyes were fixed on the battered Blaze. “It’s Flamez. Or his ghost or something. I saw him in the library. He came up to me and then I passed out.”

Raini walked into the study from the Foyer.

“Is something wrong?” Raini asked. She noticed Blaze. “Blaze, are you alright!?”

“Raini, where were you?” eFlare asked.

“I met Jason outside the stairwell and he told me he wanted to show me something interesting. Something about the computers in our room. So we were up there for ten minutes while Jason showed me the features and all I really wanted was to get a drink,” Raini sighed. “He is really boring sometimes.”
“Well we need Jason and Axe. Joan go get them. Dpit go with her,” eFlare ordered. “Raini fix up Blaze’s head.”


Dpit and Joan went a short ways and found Axe in the Dining area. He was coming in the left door, the one from the library and was about to walk through the right door to the kitchen when Joan stopped him.

“Axe, what are you doing here?” Joan asked.

“I heard a shout from the kitchen and went to investigate,” Axe said.

“There was no shout, that was in the study… unless,” Dpit thought. The three of
them rushed to the kitchen. There was nobody there.

“Must be the echo,” said Axe who leaned against a cabinet door, which burst open revealing a secret tunnel.

“Oooh, spooky,” Joan thought.

“A tunnel?” Axe asked, as he got up.

` Dpit had a look on his face as though he had been betrayed in someway. “That is a hidden passage which leads back to the Study. You all weren’t supposed to know about them.”

“Them?” Joan asked.

“Err, that. That’s the only one,” Dpit said closing the door to the cabinet and helping Axe up. “Don’t tell anyone you saw that. Now let’s go get Jason, he should be up in his room.”


2230

“Well this is a sticky state of affairs,” Jason thought. “So Flamez is here?”

“Unmistakably so,” eFlare said. “I’m afraid I have not been quite honest with you, but perhaps with Blaze’s help we can enlighten you.”

“My help?” Blaze asked, his head still throbbing.

“Yes, your help. Blaze what does Isle de Mar de Incendio mean anyway?” eFlare asked.

“It’s rough Spanish for The Island of The Sea of Fire,” Blaze replied. “So?”
“This island is located exactly 150 miles from the Tower of Babel. This is where I sent the deleted data from the former residents of Terra Earth. It is in effect…” eFlare paused.

“The net version of a haunted house,” Aoiga replied.

“Precisely. The deleted data stays here. And so you might say this entire mansion is a just a big recycling bin. But don’t worry these things can’t hurt you. They are no longer real, just a memory of things that were real,” eFlare commented.

“Can hurt me my ass, look at Blaze’s head,” Axe shouted.

“No, they can’t,” eFlare thought. “But one of you could have…”


2300

Tensions rose high as the six trapped suspects began to count the minutes until midnight. Then the party would really begin.

Jason walked over to Raini and grinned. “You were late showing up for my little computer demo. Five minutes… Next time I dock points.”

“Jason, please, there is nothing that interesting about those computers,” Raini sighed, rubbing her head.

“Is this about the whole mob boss thing?” Jason asked.

“No it’s about the why don’t you leave me alone, I’m having a rough night thing!” Raini shouted.

Jason shook his head and walked out of the Study.

“Where are you going Jason?” DPit asked.

“I’m gonna use the facilities, and they’re on the second floor. Do you wanna watch me DPit?” Jason asked angrily.

“Nothing doing, I just thought with all this going on you’d like to be a little more cautious. Unless you are the traitor,” DPit thought.

“Yeah, you know maybe I am. Even though me and my crew helped save your ass!” Jason shouted.

“STOP IT!” Joan screamed. “This is exactly what he wants! This is exactly what the traitor wants! He wants us to loathe each other so much that we can’t stand to be with one another. He wants us to eventually kill each other!”

Joan fell on the floor, clutching her crossbow.

The room fell silent once again. There was a general aura of depression about the room.

MIDNIGHT

“Well ladies and gentlemen, this is where it gets interesting. DPit will now leave, and lock us in the mansion overnight. He will return at six in the morning. We will solve our case then. If you do not wish to stay you are free to leave, but your account will be terminated if you do so,” eFlare said.

“In other words we aren’t free to do jack,” Joan commented.

“Precisely,” eFlare replied. “Dpit, I wish you a safe flight back home.”

Dpit nodded, glared for a moment at Joan and Axe as a final warning and then left the mansion, locking the door from the outside as he went.

“Well now. We have our party favors, we have our rooms. Let’s have a little midnight snack,” eFlare said pointing to the dining room where three pizza’s were laid out, one cheese, one pepperoni and one loaded with the works. There were also three six packs of soda on the table beside them.

“Uncanny how swiftly you can prepare the meals,” Jason thought.


0100

There was a loud gong that rung out over the mansion. Someone had been to the bell tower. Axe leapt out of his room.

“What the hell was that?” He shouted

Jason was shortly after him, along with Aoiga, Raini, Joan and Blaze.

They ran up to the third floor bell tower, where eFlare had sat in a chair, his hand holding on the string.

“eFlare, you scared the hell out of us,” Raini said as she turned eFlare’s chair around. She let out a scream. eFlare was dead. His image faded gray and disappeared.

“Who the hell killed eFlare? Who the hell could kill eFlare?” Jason asked, now panicing.

“Ghosts? We were all in our rooms,” Aoiga thought.

“Not possible. Ghosts didn’t do this to Blaze or eFlare. One of us must have gotten out and done this then got back to their rooms,” Axe said.

“Maybe it was you!” Joan shouted.

“Maybe it was me, but I have an alibi, the same alibi you all have. We were all in our rooms when the gong sounded. And we all got out to check on eFlare. But who’s room is closest to the bell tower stairs, and far from our rooms, not to mention. Aoiga, you wouldn’t know anything about this would you?” Axe shouted, lifting his picaxe.

Jason drove his lance in front of Axe.

“We don’t know anything yet, let’s not jump to conclusions,” Jason shouted.

“I do know something. I’m going to my room, and if anybody comes in I’ll kill him, or her,” Axe said eyeing Joan.

“I am going to check out library,” Raini said.

“An admission of guilt?” Blaze asked.

“Not on your life. But I want to see what you saw. Maybe it might provide a clue as to what happened to eFlare. What do you remember?” Raini asked.

“All I remember is that the ghost of Flamez came up to me and I smelt this weird gas and I passed out,” Blaze said.

“Gas?” Axe asked. “Raini is our biochemist, I bet she would know what could put you to sleep.”

“Yeah, but all my tools were confiscated, and these Pottassium Cyanide pills would do a hell of a lot more than just put you to sleep if you smelt them. But if somebody hit Blaze on the back of a head with a blunt object, like, say, a pickaxe,” Raini said walking downstairs.

“I’m gonna go with her. Nobody goes anywhere, but their rooms alone, got that?” Aoiga said.

“Why should I listen to you?” Axe asked.

“Because if I have to kill you to survive, I will,” Aoiga said rushing after Raini. He stopped and added. “This will be just like the Punch-Up. It’s no longer a game. This is a war. This is a battle royale.”

Axe started walking downstairs.

“And you’re going where?” Blaze asked.

“Joan and me have a new plan. We’re going to go check out the kitchen, the basement and the hedge maze. Despite my accusations before, I get the sneaking suspicion that someone or something else is in this house,” Axe said as he walked downstairs. Joan followed him.

“Well now I’m with you,” Blaze said.

“And me with you. How would you like to get yourself killed?” Jason asked.

“Why don’t we check out the bell tower? Maybe we’ll find something else in it,” Blaze said.

“I agree,” Jason replied.

0130

“What do we have here?” Raini called Aoiga over to a small panel that was leaning out from the side of a brown bookcase.

“Looks like a switch, but I’m not gonna be the first,” Aoiga said.

Raini pressed in the panel and the bookcase slid open.

“Hullo, we have a secret passageway,” Raini thought.

“Where’s it lead?” Aoiga asked.

Raini turned around and eyed him. “Where do you want it to lead?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aoiga asked. “Ok fine. I’ll go in there and tap on the wall you follow my tapping and we’ll find out where it leads together.”

Aoiga walked in and the bookcase shut behind him. Aoiga remained calm however. “I figured that was gonna happen. Okay follow me.”

They tapped their way along the north wall and Raini went into the dining room, where the tapping stopped.

“It’s a dead end in here,” Aoiga said. He banged his fist against the wall and rolled in through a curio cabinet onto the floor. “I guess not.”

Raini laughed.

“Why would you need to build a secret passage to connect two already connected rooms?” Aoiga asked.

Axe and Joan walked in from the kitchen, they had apparently heard the conversation.

“Axe, Joan,” Aoiga said.

“You think that’s weird, the kitchen has one that leads to the study and out to the solarium. You know the gigantic greenhouse with a hedge maze. I figure if there’s an emergency we can get out by busting one of those windows, but you know,” Joan said.

“Have you explored the hedge maze, then?” Raini asked.

“No, we haven’t. We were going to until we heard Aoiga bang on the floor,” Axe replied.

“Well that’s two secret passages now. Lovely. This will make deduction a lot easier,” Aoiga whined.

Axe and Joan left the room.

“Hey aren’t you gonna check the solarium?” Aoiga asked.

“No, we’re checking out the basement now. You check the solarium for us if you want,” Axe said.

Axe and Joan made their way to the basement using the downward staircase next to the upward one. In the basement they found, as eFlare had said, a washer a dryer and a gym. Here they found a note lying in an envelope on one of the machines.

Axe opened it carefully and read the note:

“One of you is a traitor, but all of you are ill news.
Leave this place at once or before the night is over
you will all suffer a fate worse than termination…”

“A prank?” Joan asked.

“If it is a prank, it’s the stupidest one I’ve ever heard of,” Axe thought. He glanced at the back of the paper and he saw a number drawn in with crayon.

“35-19-01,” Axe read. “I wonder what that means.”

Joan glanced over and saw a combination safe on the wall. “You gotta be kidding me.”

Joan entered in the combination and the wall fell down into a pit. In front of them was a dark labyrinth, with sounds that were most definitely inhuman coming from it.

“I’ve seen enough of the basement, how about you?” Axe thought.

“Yeah, definitely,” Joan agreed as they ran towards the stairs.


“Nothing suspicious up here,” Blaze noted. “Except the chair itself. Was it brought up here by eFlare?”

“No, I don’t think so. It’s bolted to the ground, we would have heard him doing it,” Jason said.

Blaze noticed a box on the wall.

“Fuse box? I thought these were normally in the basement,” Blaze said.

He opened the door and red eyes glared out at him. Power failed, and all the lights in the house went off…

There was silence, shortly broken by a scream of terror and three shotgun blasts. The lights went on again and there lying in a pool of blood was DPit.

“Dpit!” Blaze shouted.

“What the hell is he doing here? I thought he left at midnight?” Jason shouted.

“eFlare, sent me…. a PM… telling you… get out…jughonbad….” Dpit said as he breathed his last breath.

“Jughonbad? Who the hell is that?” Blaze asked.

“We’d better get everybody assembled. Let’s go get Raini and Aoiga and then we’ll go find Axe and Joan,” Jason said.


The solarium was pitch black, thank God the moon was out. Aoiga held his katana out in front as they attempted to navigate the labyrinth.

“This is creepy,” Raini thought.

“Just make sure we don’t get separated,” Aoiga said. “We need to get out of here.”

They, too, had heard the scream that pierced the entire mansion, not to mention the gunshots.

“You don’t think Blaze and Jason…” Raini began.

“No way, and if time calls for it, my money’s on Blaze,” Aoiga said.

“Are you sure you don’t resent him just a little bit?” Raini asked.

“I do, that’s why I’m bidding on Blaze. What the?” Aoiga stopped. They had not found the exit. On the contrary, they found a large fountain with a statue of Ark4Elle in the center of it.

“What the hell is this?” Aoiga asked.

“A statue of A4E in eFlare’s house?” Raini asked.

“I’m beginning to wonder if this is eFlare’s house….” Aoiga said. “Come on let’s get out of here.”

Suddenly the fountain began to quake and the ground beneath their feet split in two. Out of the crevace walked little children, their whole bodies nothing more than shadows, but their eyes red as fire.

“What the hell are these!” Raini shouted as she ran out towards the exit, with Aoiga in the lead cutting the hedges down.

“I don’t know! They must be some sort of deleted character data, or maybe something entirely different! I don’t know!”

They made it back into the secret passage and locked it from the kitchen side, bumping into Blaze and Jason.

“What the hell are you doing there?” Jason asked.

“Where’s Axe and Joan?” Blaze asked.

“Monsters!” Raini shouted. “Monsters in solarium… hedge maze!”

“Monsters?” Jason asked.

“Yeah! Creepy little kids like the ones from the Grudge and Boogeyman,” Aoiga shouted. “Only they’re real…”

“So where are Axe and Joan?” Jason asked.

“In the basement, I hope…” Raini said. Aoiga and Raini were trying to get a grip, Raini even fighting back tears.

“We have to get out of here,” Aoiga found the strength enough to say this.


0200

“So now Dpit is dead. But that’s sorta good news, because that means the door is unlocked and we can get the hell out of here,” Joan said.

“I wanna stay. And I wanna lock the doors, so that monsters don’t get in,” Jason said.

“What?” Raini asked.

“I agree,” Blaze said. “Dpit said something about Jughonbad. Whoever this person is, he is obviously the one who killed eFlare, and maybe Dpit, I can’t be sure, but I think so.”

“Wait, wait, wait a minute. Are you sure he said jughonbad was a name?” Axe asked.

“We found a labyrinth in the basement, maybe it has something to do with that,” Joan suggested.

“Or maybe it’s the name of those little monsters in the hedge maze,” thought Aoiga.

“Look, hold up. I think whatever happens here happens to every one of us as it was designed by something. There is a labyrinth downstairs, why don’t we go and find out what’s in it?” Jason said.

“Good idea,” Axe thought.

“Maybe not,” Aoiga thought….

END OF ACT I. ACT II Begins.. Right now.




0300

Aoiga could not remember where he was, or what he was doing. Pictures kept flashing up in his head. Five people who were alive, and two who were dead…

They killed him… you must kill them….

Aoiga shook his head, but the voice persisted.

Do not forget… jughonbad… you are my servant… kill those who killed your friends.

Aoiga lifted up his katana and walked out of the study into the foyer.

“Hey, Aoiga!” Called Raini from the dining hall. “You’re awake. You look like you could use a drink.”

Raini handed Aoiga a small goblet with wine.

“Go on… drink up…” Raini’s eyes were hungry. Aoiga handed her the wine.
“You drink it first.”

Raini smiled crookedly. Took the goblet and threw it at Aoiga. She then pinned him on the floor with a second goblet in her right hand.

“You killed him! You killed Freedan! You killed Blade! I’ll kill you!! Drink up!!” Raini shouted as she tried to force Aoiga to drink the poisoned liquid. Aoiga reached for his katana, but it was too late. Raini had already forced a lethal dose into his mouth. He felt his insides slowly burn away, as the last of the concoction downed him.

Raini walked into the library, where she saw Axe reading a book.

“Axey-baby,” Raini teased. “Do you want something to drink?”

Raini went up with a goblet in her hand and handed it to Axe… but he did not reach for it. He rolled over onto the floor, two crossbow bolts were in his back.

“Axey-baby is dead. And you’re next,” Joan said, loading her crossbow. “Now Freedan will be mine, and there is nothing you can do about it.”

Raini backed against a bookcase, and hit the panel.

“Oh that’s it. Run.. go ahead. There’s no leaving this mansion, Raini… IT’S LOCKED FROM THE OUTSIDE!!!” Joan screamed as she fired a bolt at Raini, which hit her in the arm. Instead of chasing Raini, Joan went down to the basement. In the basement, she saw Blaze, working out.

“Nothing like pumping your guns with a shotgun,” Blaze smiled.

“Well maybe I could show you another way to burn calories,” Joan said as she walked up to Blaze and put her arm around his neck. “Everyone else is dead, so won’t you please oh please be my hero and get me out of here.”

“Your so sexy, and so stupid,” Blaze said, putting a shotgun barrel into Joan’s stomach. “That’s what I always liked about you.” Blaze said as he fired the shotgun, sending Joan flying across the room. Blaze walked upstairs, all the way up to the Bell Tower.

“Welcome to Jason Tandro’s newest book,” came Jason’s voice.

“Everybody’s dead, Jason and you’re gonna be next,” Blaze shouted.

“Oh really, I was under the impression that you were out of bullets,” Jason shouted.

“What do you mean?” Blaze asked. “There’s plenty more.”

“No, you see, there isn’t. You used three in the dark when you killed Dpit and then you used your last one on Joan. Too bad, all you have now is a lead pipe.”

Blaze looked into the stock of his shotgun and saw that Jason was, in fact, telling the truth. He shut the shotgun and saw Jason standing there in front of him.

“Boo.” Jason said as he slashed through Blaze’s heart with his lance. Jason walked downstairs and sat in the Dining Room.

“Is it over?” Jason asked.

“Not yet it isn’t!” Raini shouted as she barged in from the secret passage. She had managed to snatch a piece of rope from somewhere and was using it to throttle Jason about, until his body became limp in her hands.

Jason fell to the ground, beside Aoiga.

Raini screamed in triumph. The voice in her head told her:

Good job, all is well now. You may come down and claim your reward.

Raini walked through the labyrinth, calmly strolling by where they had been taken by the ghosts. Everyone was screaming, she remembered and laughed. How foolish she was to be screaming. The ghosts were on her side… she walked through a door at the end. There she found a massive indoor graveyard. With one large tomb. A4E emerged from that same tomb and talked to Raini, who was slowly realizing what she had done. It took her a moment, but she screamed in horror when A4E said her name.

“Rainichan, my faithful servant…”


(NOTE: Okay, here’s where it get’s interesting. There are FOUR possible endings to this fanfiction. I got the idea from Clue, the movie. The first one requires a bit of imagination, and they get slowly more realistic. The last one is (in my opinion) the true story of what occurred on that fateful night.)

Version 1.0: The Funny Ending

“You see this was all an alien experiment, nothing here really happened. We were testing you Raini, and now it’s time to wake up!”

“No!” shouted Jason’s. “Get away from there! ‘To Serve Humans!’ It’s a cookbook!”

“It’s apes!” Joan shouted. “Damn dirty apes. We blew it up! We blew it up!”

“You see we Martians have been watching your planet, waiting for an invasion force,” Aoiga said.

“True, but we Venusians have had the tabs on you for a century now!” Blaze smiled.

“It’s that creepy little boy! He wished eFlare to the cornfield!” Axe shouted.

“What the hell is going on?!” Raini shouted.

Rainichan slept peacefully in her bed, dreaming of her many adventures in the past, all of which would come to center around this next one. She was awoken by Freedan, who shook her arm. She smiled up at him, but was still too tired to move.
“Good morning,” she yawned.
“A good morning to you too,” Freedan said, pulling an envelope out of his satchel. “It seems eFlare sent you a PM.”







Version 2.0: Ark4Elle’s Legacy

“You were smarter than the rest… you knew from the beginning what you had to do. Shortly after you used Data Drain to destroy me in our first encounter you became, subconsciously, my slave for all eternity, and a part of me lived on in you.
But as I wrote in the letter to Axe and Joan, you were all bad people.
When you first walked in, do you remember DPit waiting behind? He was gauging, finding the best possible time to strike. He wanted eFlare ousted, because of this nonsense. He figured the best way to do it was when none of you were around, but he had to wait some time for this chance.
Remember what happened to Blaze? You said you were going to get a drink, but Jason found you. So you said you’d be ‘right on up’ in a minute. That’s when you slipped into the secret passageway and while Blaze was distracted by the ghost of Flamez you hit him on the back of the head with his own shotgun.
And then of course there is the matter of eFlare’s death. Well that was because DPit had an insider. It was Aoiga. He went in to ask eFlare a question, with his katana. He killed eFlare and rushed down to his room, not before ringing the bell, you see, which was necessary to prove his innocence. After all why would a true murderer call everyone to the scene of the crime.
The only problem is that DPit wanted total security in his crimes, so he came on in, about the time you and Aoiga were in the hedge maze and Axe and Joan were in the basement. Blaze opened the fuse box on the bell tower, and DPit thought that it was Aoiga trying to surprise him, so he attacked first, which caused Blaze to empty three bullets of buck shot into him.
Remember what he said: Jughonbad. What he actually said was You’ve gone bad… shortly before he died. And then I simply had my ghost take advantage of the already shaky situation and you served your usefulness. I thank you, my dear Raini.”

Raini screamed and tried to run for the door, but it sealed itself up.

“And now, my darling, we will unite once again,” A4E said as he walked slowly towards Raini, who was cowering in the corner of the darkened room.

Version 3.0: Jughonbad

“You never knew what hit you. None of you, I swear. eFlare was, in fact, playing a prank on you. All of you. But that didn’t mean that some of you weren’t playing along as well.
Remember when you first walked in and Dpit stopped in the foyer? He was placing a piece of the prank, that little note that Axe and Joan found. I added the combination later…
And do you want to know what happened to Blaze? Blaze was hit (as Jason so cleverly pointed out) by a blunt object, a pickaxe. He made his way through the secret passages, which he already knew about, shortly after he talked to Jason in the stairwell. Aoiga in the kitchen didn’t hear Axe go into the secret passage and hit Blaze swiftly while the ‘ghost’ prank that eFlare had set up was in effect. That explains why Axe didn’t seem so surprised when he found out about the passages, and why eFlare seemed rather surprised to see Blaze hurt.
He instantly figured out something was wrong.
And let’s not forget the gala performance of the night, eFlare’s untimely death, that was my doing. eFlare managed to send a PM to DPit before he died, but it didn’t matter to me, two deaths were as good as one.
And you know what Jughonbad is? Joke Gone Bad. eFlare found out too late that some spectors don’t need to be animated. And then all I had to do was lure you into the labyrinth, take possession of your subconscious and have you all kill each other. But you survived, which is funny because,” A4E began to change form. “I had my money on Blaze.”

Raini gasped as A4E changed into the shape of Aoiga. “Did you think even for a second, that Aoiga could survive in Mu by himself? Taking his form was most easy. And that’s not all.”

He changed into everyone, eFlare, Dpit, Jason, Axe, Joan and Blaze.

“I can copy those I kill, and I would love to have your body,” he said as he drew his katana and lunged in for the final strike.


Version 4.0: The Real Ending

“This isn’t eFlare’s mansion at all is it?” Raini asked.

“No, it isn’t. This entire island was created with the purpose of fooling you six in here so that I could get rid of you. Dpit suspected me from the very beginning. He stalled for a moment in the foyer, because of the painting of the Last Supper. eFlare is an art lover, but Dpit remembered my trip was godliness. It was a subtle hint which passed and went too late to save him.
Remember what happened to Blaze? Dpit did that. He went out to go look for you, actually, but then decided to take a test. He used Blaze, unfortunately, as bait. He set in the library, shortly before dinner, a small vial of a narcotic substance which causes hallucinations, convinced that Blaze would be the one to go in there first. My reaction would determine whether or not I was trustworthy. I passed the test, apparently.
And of course there was my own marvelous death. You see I had to fake my own death in order to draw your attention, I rang the bell and as soon as I you came in, I disappeared back to the labyrinth downstairs.
Dpit left at midnight, but came back at 1:30. That’s because he received a PM, which he opened shortly after leaving the island (which I blocked off, incidentally, so that the real eFlare couldn’t contact you.) Dpit returned, and I had to kill him, so I pulled the old “jack-in-the-fuse-box, and killed him when he went upstairs in pitch dark. So sad.
And those monsters in the hedge maze, do you want to know what they were? They were the souls of the posters who logged on to TerraEarth and posted 1 or 2 threads and then left. I used their soulless character data to mass-produce my own monster. My newest monster is Bengali, and he’s working out quite well.. eFlare knew I was doing this, which is why he demanded email confirmation from this point forward.
So you see, my whole lovely cock-and-bull story about one of you being a traitor was just a red herring. And now, I’ll get my final revenge on the woman who tried to kill me!” A4E shouted.

Suddenly the walls burst in and eFlare, Freedan and Blade burst into the room.

“Raini, get away from there!” Freedan shouted. Raini ‘made-no-vain-delays’ and rushed over to Freedan.

“You are hard to kill, my friend,” eFlare grinned.

“Well, you know…” A4E smiled wryly.

“You killed my partner! I will destroy you!” Blade shouted. Suddenly two Kruks bashed their way in to the walls. “I picked these up in Euro 2 for 1. They aren’t just any old Kruks. They’re nuclear explosive Kruks!”

“So that’s the Kruk deal, then?” Raini asked.

“DPit didn’t believe it either,” Freedan sighed.

The Kruks rushed up to eFlare and exploded on impact, causing A4E’s data to slowly melt away into nothingness.

“Thank God it’s over,” Raini sighed.

“Not quite over. I have quite a miracle to pull, but if I’m lucky, I may be able to bring them back,” eFlare said.

eFlare pulled out his keyboard and began typing as fast as possible. “ Get me… Jason Tandro…”

And before their eyes, stood Jason, his lance in hand, he fell to the ground. “Am I alive?”

“Get me…. Joan Michelle…”

Joan appeared next to Jason, her crossbow slid around her shoulder. “This can’t be real…”

“Get me…. Axe Kazama…”

Axe fell to the ground the moment he appeared, his pickaxe partially clutched in his hand. “Punch-up my ass… “
“Get me…. Aoiga Takahashi…”

Aoiga lifted his katana. “What have we done?”

“Get me… Blaze Kiriya…”

Blaze rested his head against his shotgun. “We’re still here aren’t we?”

“Get me… Deathpit…”

DPit fell to the ground, but he was still unconscious.

“I’m afraid that’s all I can do, for now. DPit will awake in a little while,” eFlare said.

“What have we done… what have we done…” Aoiga kept saying the same thing to himself over and over.

“We almost destroyed each other. We feared, betrayed and even hated our own friends,” Joan sighed.

“You did nothing that wasn’t forced upon you. A4E wanted you to kill each other without his force to ‘prove a point’, but you held together in the worst times. Despite your differences, despite the things that may divide you, you are still friends,” eFlare said.

Joan went up and hugged Raini. “Just letting you know. You and me are still competing for Freedan.”

Raini smiled. “Good luck.”

Jason shook Aoiga’s hand. “Sorry for never writing you into my stories.”

“Sorry for killing you before you had a chance to party in the RP Punch-Up,” Aoiga said.

Axe and Blaze grinned at each other, with smiles that said: “You still suck.”

“Ah yes, I almost forgot,” eFlare smiled. “Do you want to know what Jughonbad means?”

“What?” Jason asked.

“Absolutely nothing,” eFlare said. “It is, however what we will name this place, now that it’s original title has faded from memory. There will be a tournament held here in your honor.”

“That’s nice,” said Aoiga. “But I think we’ve already had our battle royale.”

And with the rising sun came the start of another great day in TerraEarth.


Do you wanna know something scary? The total character count of this book is 49,497. That is the exact same amount as my TerraEarth:Adventure story… the spirits are restless

Terra Earth Soap Operas

As The Stomach Turns

When last we left TerraEarth, Joan was having a fight with her lover and rival XenaJen…

“Oh you treat me like garbage!” Said an inebriated Joan.
“All I know is I wasn’t the one kissing Axe in Charlottesville,” Xena replied.
Joan sat down on her couch, delicately sipping from the bottle of cognac which Xena had placed there earlier.
“This is just great. I’ve become the bad guy now. I had to do it! What with Raini being a single mother ever since that jerk Freedan left TE,” Joan shouted.
“He wouldn’t have left if you hadn’t threatened his manhood!” Retorted Xena.
“Oh no, no…” Joan moaned.

It had been so long ago. A party all but forgotten in the wake of what would later be deemed a “wild night”. Freedan and Raini were celebrating their firstborn son, Freedan Jr. It was, of course, what Joan ruled to be the best time to confess her love to Freedan as she was sure he’d spend the rest of his days looking for an “out”.

Freedan was in the hall, Raini was in the bedroom, and Joan made her way cautiously down the stairwell, squeezing past Jason Tandro, the town gossip. He had crossed her at every step, revealing her love of bondage, her estranged crack-addict mother, and her lesbianism. Well actually that was already “old news” by the time he got to it, but she still hated the thought behind it.

“Freedan,” Joan said, wrapping her left (or “whip”) arm around Freedan’s neck, and digging her knee into his stomach. “Take me now!”
“You’re drunk,” Freedan said, blushing slightly.
“I’m drunk but your sexy and I’ll be sober in the morning,” Joan smiled. {Props to Winston Churchill for the original line. Replace “sexy” with “ugly”}.

And before he knew what he was doing Freedan was Joan’s. Of course, he was drunk too and could not be held responsible for his actions. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

“And ever since then, he’s left TE forever,” Joan whined.
“Since what and who? You just stared off into space and started talking. I thought you had a seizure or something,” Xena replied.
“Oh maybe I did. Maybe Freedan leaving was all a dream?” Joan asked.
“No. You want ‘Who Shot Dpit?’ That was last year sweety,” Xena replied.
“Oh, pooh.” Joan pounted.

Meanwhile at Raini’s house…

“I’ll be back with more thugs if yous’e don’t pays your bills,” said a mysterious cloaked man, with the mob.
Raini sat on a chair, arms clutching a picture of her husband and their son, Freedan Jr. She wore the same blue dress that she wore on their first anniversary. She still had the blue ring from their first adventure… so long ago.

“Now, where’s is the rest of the money?” The mob boss asked.
“It’s all with my no-good husband. He stole it all when he left.” Raini replied, a tear in her eye.
“That’s too bad. I certainly hope lover boy shows up in town in three days,” The mob boss said grabbing Raini’s arm. “Otherwise it’ll be the worse for you and your boy. Unless of course you can come up with some way to accumulate 100,000,000 yen in three days.”

With that, the mob boss lifted Raini high above his head and threw her to the ground in a startling crash. One of the gangsters grabbed Freedan Jr, and they headed to their car out front. Raini dragged herself over to the phone and called the one person she could trust. Axe Kazama.

Meanwhile, Axe was busy calculated the age of the pickles in his refrigerator when the phone rang.

“I wonder who could be calling at this hour?” Axe asked. “Maybe it’s my rich brother! Maybe he’s finally come to his senses and is going to write me back into his will!” He picked up the telephone. “Hello, who is this?”
“It’s Raini,” coughed a disheartened Raini.
“Rainichan, so glad you called, I-“
“Listen. The mobsters. They’ve taken my son. I’m just sad the mob boss didn’t have a bondage fetish like Joan.”
“Why?”
“Because I am one hot bitch when I’m cornered!” Shouted Raini smashing something in the background.
Axe’s eyes crossed. “Joan?”
“No,” Raini said. “I don’t know why I said that. Sorry.”
“Not at all. I’ll be right over.”
The two hung up the phones, respectively.

Back at Joan’s Estate…

“I can’t believe it!” Joan shouted.
“What?” Xena asked.
“Raini’s son has been kidnapped.” Joan replied.
“By who? The DSS?” Xena asked.
“No, by a mob!”
“Raini was involved in a mob?”
“No, but Freedan was, and boy howdy wasn’t he!”

Ah, it was so long ago. Freedan had just gotten out of Terra Earth Dark Knight Finishing School for Young Boys and Girls Who Love Them, when he found that he was 120,000,000 yen short in student loan payments. A local loan shark and gossip columnist was glad to pay the fee. Freedan managed to pay back the first 20,000,000 yen in his first year as knighthood, but he spent the rest of the money on his expensive engagement ring for Rainichan.

“And now Raini must pay the cost!” Joan wailed.
“Uh, Joan. You did it again.” Xena replied.
“I like to keep my enemies confused.”

Later, at Raini’s House…

“It was so awful. He came in here and demanded the money.” Raini cried.
“Wait a minute. Isn’t he also a gossip columnist. It must be that cheating scumbag Jason Tandro,” Joan shouted.
“Cheating scumbag present,” sighed Jason Tandro. “If it were me I would have taken Raini with me and ransom would be the last thing on my mind.”
There was a pause.
“Anyway…” Raini replied. “No, I’m going to get my son back. I’ll just have to offer myself to the boss.”
“You wouldn’t! Raini, you’re not yourself!” Axe shouted.
“Then I’ll bite his ears off,” Raini scowled.
“That’s more like it,” Jason chuckled.

That night, the entire party snuck to the Boss’s house. They all watched as Raini made the rather successful plea for her sons life. Freedan Jr was returned to Joan and the two retired to their bedroom.

One hour later….

“Did it work?” Axe asked.
“Well, I haven’t heard from either of them in an hour,” said Jason, who was standing watch at the door. There was an annoyed expression on his face, and his eyes were closed. “The first five minutes were enough to make me puke. I think if I had to walk in there my eyes would have melted clean off.”
“We need to check on her!” Joan shouted.
“Be my guest, I ain’t going in there,” Jason replied, standing clear of the door.
“How can you be so callous?!” Xena demanded.
“Easy. It’s the net.” Jason replied.
“True…” Xena replied walking in.

There, inside the bedroom was a ghastly sight. Raini was sitting at the edge of the bed, wearing her dress, but no shoes. The Boss stood on the opposite side of the room, holding a cigarette in his hand.

“Well, it seems that the boss wants to remain abstinent,” replied to annoyed Raini. “Of course he didn’t tell me right away. He waited for me to get changed into a bunny suit first and then he told me.”

“I just don’t know if I’m ready to have kids yet you know. After taking care of your brat for a whole day I think I’m blown on the whole kid deal.” The boss said.
“Kids at least,” Joan grinned.
Suddenly the boss turned around and took off his hat. It was none other than Flamez.
“And now, I am going to do something really terrible to make sure I get my moneys worth!”
Flamez pulled out a large wooden board with a nail in it. Suddenly, Freedan burst into the room. “I have come to save you Rainichan!”
“So there you are! You left me with 100,000,000 yen debt, and a screaming kid, and a perverted mob boss just because Joan came on to you!” Raini shouted, smacking Freedan.
”But I was…”
“Joan comes onto everybody!” Raini smacked Freedan again.
“Hey!” Joan shouted.
The group stared at her.
“Oh, alright fine…” Joan muttered.
“Well you see,” Freedan was cut off by another smack.
“And to top it all off I see you went to Tokyo,” Raini pointed at his suitcase. “Without me!” Smack. Smack. Smack.
“ MAY I AT LEAST EXPLAIN MYSELF! YOU SEE I WAS LOCKED AWAY BY THIS MOB BOSS!” Freedan shouted.
“Oh. That’s very different. Nevermind,” replied Raini. She ran up to hug him.
“Wait a minute!” Jason shouted. “Before you smother him a passionate montage of lovey-dovey stuff I have something to say!”

[I] What is it that Jason has to say? And what about Rainichan? Will she ever land a job as a Playboy playmate or will she end up serving time for stealing the Bosses manhood? And what about Freedan? Will he be able to make up for lost time after needing to be rescued by a woman who brings a power tool to bed? And what about Joan and XenaJen? Will their love life ever come together, and if so, for how long? And what about Axe Kazama? Will his brother ever call him, and if so what will he call him?
And what about Jason Tandro, the inadequate author and gossip columnist? Will his newspaper be a success, or will it flop when he realizes that stories about Lesbians, bondage, violence, reckless love and cheap jokes don’t pay the pickle man anymore? For the answer to these and equally meaningless questions, tune in next time… As The Stomach Turns [/I]

Terra Earth Mysteries

Terra Earth: Mysteries

A supplement to the fantasy story “Terra Earth: Adventures”, I have decided to write TE stories under each genre. This genre focuses around a great detective, Boxxle Holmes and his companion Doctor eFlare. And of course, there are all of us, dealing with mysteries and puzzlements, not unreal to our very world.

I do hope you enjoy it, it’s a bit different from what you dealt with before.
---

“Well,” said Boxxle Holmes, setting his pipe down and opening up a fresh copy of the TerraEarth Times. “It seems there’s been a bit of an ordeal down at the arena.”
Doctor eFlare, reset his monocle. “By Jove, is that right? Well what sort of nasty case are we looking at?”
Boxxle raised his eyebrow at the article. He appeared as though he were in deep thought, more so than usual, and replied in an offhand fashion, “Well isn’t that odd?”
“What is?” eFlare asked.
“It seems as though a person was killed during combat, a usual occurrence. But this article claims that there is more to this murder than meets the eye,” Boxxle commented.
“Oh, what do they know? You can never trust the press, for where each written word has it’s own shade of meaning the spoken one is invariably clear,” eFlare replied.
Boxxle tilted his head. “That’s quite profound. Who said it?”
eFlare grinned, “I believe you did, Boxxle.”
Boxxle returned to his paper. “Oh, yes.”
At that moment, a knock came at the door. A woman entered in a bright red dress. To say it was revealing would be an understatement. She had long black hair, with purple fingernails that accented her dark blue brooch hanging around her neck.
“Boxxle Holmes, I presume,” she asked. She had a deep voice, and a scintillating smile that made eFlare come to an unusual level of animation.
“Yes, and you are?” Boxxle asked, clearly unaffected by the woman’s tone (to say the least!)
“You can call me Fixy, if you like. I have been told you are quite the sleuth, no?” She said, walking around to him, rubbing her fingers along the surface of the hardwood desk which adorned many of Boxxle’s papers.
“I’m an avid puzzle solver with a fancy name, but yes if you like. How may I be of service?” Boxxle asked.
“I need a man who can help me solve the puzzlement down at the arena,” Fixy said. She walked up to the sitting Boxxle, who was now tenting his fingers.
“Tell me,” he began. “How does this affect you?”
“I am just a concerned citizen,” Fixy said. She walked over to the window. “The deceased was my husband.”
“Oh,” Boxxle said. “My sympathy’s.”
eFlare made a point of the matter. “I thought the paper said it was just an accident.”
Boxxle stood up. “And I thought you said never to trust the press.”
Fixy leaned against the padded windowsill. “The press is all lies. My husband was killed in the arena, but not by his fellow fighter. He was murdered by someone else.”
eFlare walked over to Fixy, “Who could have done such a thing. The arena is packed full of people, how could he possibly have killed your husband. A gunshot would’ve been heard and any other conventional mean of weapons would have left clear imprints which could have been traced.”
Boxxle put his hand on eFlare’s shoulder. “There is more than one way to kill a man.” He turned to Fixy. “Do you have any idea who or why your husband would’ve been killed?”
Fixy sat up. “All I know is that he was an avid gambler. He frequented a bar called Joan’s Dungeon.”
“Aha, then we have our first clue. Come along eFlare, the game is a foot.” Boxxle said.
“What does that even mean?” eFlare asked.
“It’s only a figure of speech. I don’t recall ever hunting feet,” Boxxle replied.
“Could mean rabbit’s feet,” eFlare suggested.
“Or elephant’s to make into trash cans,” Fixy suggested.
“I don’t know. But I do know one thing,” Boxxle said.
“What’s that?” Fixy asked.
“I need a drink and information. And I know where to get both,” Boxxle said, walking out the front door of his flat and making his way to Joan’s Dungeon.

Joan’s Dungeon was less of a bar and more of a cheap place for the lower class of TerraEarth to waste a week’s worth of wages on drink, food and “pleasurable company”. The barmaid, proprietor and owner Joan-Michelle was a tall woman, with her amber hair tied behind her in a ponytail. The fumes coming from all around were not all alcohol related, and Boxxle made a mental note to only breath when absolutely necessary.
“I-need-to-speak-to-the-proprietor [GASP!], Joan-Michelle-please,” Boxxle said.
“You’re looking at her,” Joan said, smacking a damp cloth on the table. She began to wipe off the counter. “What’ll you have to drink?”
“How about we talk first and drink later?” Boxxle said.
“You’re pretty bold for a man with glasses,” Joan commented. “You a Moderator?”
“No, I don’t trifle in state affairs, I am actually a private investigator and I would like to talk to you about a dead man,” Boxxle replied, pulling out his badge.
“Do you start off all dates like this?” Joan asked, wiping down a glass.
“Depends upon the definition of safe sex, doesn’t it?” Boxxle replied. “I’d like to know what you can tell me about a man named Blade. He died in the arena the other day.”
“Him. I never knew a married man less interested in his wife. He’d drop by his house for a quick kiss and another object to pawn, then he’d be in here by 4:00 PM wasting away to nothingness in drinks and games and other waitresses.”
“Do you suspect he ever cheated on his wife?” Boxxle asked.
“No. I gotta give him credit for that, he looked but never touched. It was more in his interest to smack the table then the girls who work for me,” Joan replied.
Boxxle’s attention shifted to the room around him. “That’s another thing I’ve been meaning to ask you. All of your employees are female.”
“That’s because my customer base is 100% male. Supply and demand, flatfoot,” Joan replied. “Now do you want a drink or should I have a friend of mine show you the door?”
“Yes, I‘ll have a dry martini, and an apple,” Boxxle said.
“An apple?” Joan asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I have unusual tastes, but so do all your customers,” Boxxle grinned.
Joan walked off to fill the order. Boxxle took the opportunity to glance around the room. In the back, there was a familiar face, looking right at him. The man wore a black suit and held a cane. He also had a sinister mustache, which barely cloaked a deceitful grin. The man walked towards Boxxle.
“Nice to see you again, Boxxle Holmes.” The man smiled.
“You too, Doctor Muerte (Author’s Note: (prn. moo-e-ar-tay) Sorry Muerte. You were the closest person to Moriarte).”
“I see you are sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong again,” Muerte scowled.
“Well, it seems to me this does involve me. I’m just a concerned citizen afterall,” Boxxle grinned.
“Now, detective. Bad things happen to the nosy. Curiosity killed the cat,” Muerte said.
“Maybe so, but not before getting the hell clawed out of it. And I assure you, I am a much bigger cat,” Boxxle replied.
“Hey Mister!” Called Joan. “Your drink and fruit are ready.”
Boxxle walked over to the bar and took the apple. “Thank you.” Boxxle started to leave, but Joan called back to him.
“Hey, what about your drink?” Joan asked.
“Ah, yes. I used that so you would get me the apple,” Boxxle smiled, walking out.
Joan rolled her eyebrows and tossed the glass back into the sink.

Boxxle walked from the bar to the RP Punch-Up Arena. Over it’s great gate was a bronze sign that read: Founded By Joan-Michelle in 2003, Refounded By Jason Tandro in 2005. He looked at the arena, where the police line was still up. One of the fighters was standing there.
“You are DeathPit, no?” Boxxle asked.
Deathpit was dressed in a black trenchcoat, which covered an armored torso. He held in his right hand a large rocket launcher with the name: RED RIOTZ imprinted in dark red letters on the side.
“Yeah, that’s me. You another cop who wants to screw up my life with more asinine questions?” DeathPit relied.
“No. I’m a private detective who is trying to prove you innocent,” Boxxle replied.
“Oh really. Well thanks pal, but I don’t believe it’s possible. I know the guy who did it, but pinning the crime to him would be impossible,” Deathpit replied.
“Try me,” Boxxle said, walking over to him.
“Blade had a serious gambling problem in his life. He accumulated so much in his entire life’s wages but wasted them all playing card games. He finally decided to place all his cash on this big fight. Apparently he was planning to bet all his money to say that if he won the fight the payoff would be more than just the arena prize, see?”
“A bit redundant, but I get your drift,” Boxxle said.
“So, my theory is that the guy he bet against killed him in an effort to keep from losing that money,” Deathpit pondered.
“And who did he bet against?” Boxxle asked.
“A robber baron. One of the more wealthy scientists in TerraEarth. You should know very well who I am talking about,” Deathpit said, leaving the arena.
And he did. He knew him very well.

“So Doctor Muerte bet against Blade and then killed him to keep the winnings?” eFlare asked.
“That is one speculation, yes. It is the perfect crime. Kill a person who is unlikely to win in a fight anyway. The risk/reward ratio does not make the other person in the bet to be a logical choice, seeming as the smart thing for him to do would be to win legit,” Boxxle thought. “But we are still left with some questions. Number one, what was the real motive behind Blade’s murder. Muerte may be evil, but even he is not the type to randomly kill people. Number two, how did he do it? And number three, where the hell is my coffee?”
eFlare handed Boxxle a cup of coffee and took one himself. “Well, should we start by investigating the crime scene?”
“I already went there. We need to examine the body. We’re heading to the morgue.”

eFlare pulled out the frozen case of Blade. His body seemed perfectly well, save the injuries he incurred during the fight at the arena. eFlare began working with the body, while Boxxle began frantically scribbling on a notepad.
“This is interesting,” eFlare commented.
“What is?” Boxxle asked, looking up.
“It seems as though he died of some sort of bacteria,” eFlare commented.
“Really...?” Boxxle asked.
eFlare looked up. “Have you figured something out?”
“Joan said that Blade frequented her bar. Muerte knew that I would also be at the bar and therefore, logically speaking, that must have been the real crime scene. All Muerte would have to do would be to slip poison in the food.”
“So he did kill Blade!” eFlare replied.
“No, he couldn’t have. Because we have a small problem.” Boxxle said.
“And that is?”
“All the servers were female. There would be no way for an obtrusive man like Muerte to sneak into the kitchen. He must’ve had a woman do it for him.”
“But who could that be?” eFlare asked.
“You can’t think of anyone?” Boxxle asked. “Joan mentioned that he always pawned off some pieces of their personal property for gambling money. When he entered the arena, his wife must have made the meeting between him and Muerte, where the cash would be exchanged. And then to stop the money from being lost for good, she struck a deal with Muerte to get the money back.”
“You mean she killed her husband for money?” eFlare asked.
“Yes. But there is still the question as to why Muerte would want Blade killed,” Boxxle commented.
“I can tell you,” said Fixy, walking in with a gun in her hand. “Because we were lovers. And that oaf of a husband was doing nothing but getting in the way.”
Boxxle grinned, placing his hands in the air. “I would have guessed sooner if I had only stopped to remember that you wrote an article in the newspaper.”
“But you didn’t. And now I can not only get rid of my boorish husband, but Terra Earth’s most famous detective,” Fixy grinned.
“Not likely!” shouted a familiar voice from the doorway. In burst Deathpit who fired a bullet from his gun, hitting Fixy’s hands. “Hope you didn’t just get your nails done!”
eFlare made a cross over his chest. “I’ll never say the Punch-Up is fake again.”
Boxxle picked up the gun. “It doesn’t seem like your lover Muerte has the time to deal with you anymore. Other wise he’d be coming to your rescue right about now.”
He handcuffed Fixy, and sat her down against a desk.
“Although it is a disappointment that he didn’t see fit to show up,” Boxxle thought.
“There’ll be other cases Boxxle. Don’t worry,” eFlare said.

It was a quiet evening at the flat. eFlare was reading the TerraEarth Times, and Boxxle was looking over his notes.
“You know, they mentioned you in the paper. The whole country is singing your praise,” eFlare said.
“That is nice. The world would be a better place if there were more singing. Although I should hope they can find better things to sing about than my job,” Boxxle noted.
“You know, I never did figure out what you wanted the apple for,” eFlare asked.
“Really?” Boxxle asked. “Well don’t you see, that’s what clinched the whole case for me. The apple.”
“How did an apple solve this case?” eFlare asked.
“I watched Joan when she went to get it. I then noted that the kitchen, where the orders were stored, was far in the back, and surrounded by waitresses. It was then that I concluded that there would be no way for Muerte to slip past. You’d be amazed at how often a little thing can have a great impact on the world.”
“Yes. Like a little thing named Boxxle Holmes,” eFlare grinned.